Click on the cover image above to read some pages of this book! Parents are helped to build a harmonious relationship with their own child, focusing on the things that will really matter in life. In the seven chapters of the book, the reader will discover and easily recognize life situations that he or she faces day by day. The book includes the gift of putting yourself in situations where you are the parent as well as your parents' child. Topics such as habits, thoughts, choices, forgiveness, unconditional love, discipline, and values are discussed by the author both from a psychological point of view and a spiritual one.
I have tried this a couple of times and I am convinced about how effective this technique can be. As the authors themselves say, you do not need to go through all the steps to reach a resolution. A lot of our discipline related discussion these days happen in the car during commutes, and so I will try a tweaked, travel-friendly version of this for any issues that pop up during the week.
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It will be an interesting week to see how this pans out. For instance, if my daughter does not finish her dinner on time, she does not get to watch TV.
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Most experts say, it is better not to use these made-up consequences which are actually punishments in disguise and to let natural consequences take over, which in this case would be to let her go to bed hungry. Frankly though, I am not there yet. The over-protective control freak part of me steps in way before my daughter gets to face any natural consequences. This is something I need to work on in the future, but if some of you are ready to take it on, go for it!
I would love to hear your stories about how it worked out. So there you have it — 10 ways you can handle tough situations using positive discipline. Seriously, after reading this, would you ever want to try a traditional, punitive, discipline technique? It may work for you, it may not. And as usual, put it in writing to add a level of accountability. You can scribble it on a piece of paper, a journal, on your blog, your facebook update or in the comments section below — the actual medium does not matter.
For the rest of the week, catch yourself when you start to dole out punishment and question if that will really help in the long run. Ask yourself, if you are not around to keep an eye on them, and they are sure that you will never find out, will the punishment still keep them from wanting to repeat the incriminating act? And then, focus on at least one tip and try it out as your new discipline technique. Important Note of Caution: Expect some setbacks.
Both you are your kids are used to a certain style of discipline — when you change that and adopt positive discipline instead, your kids will push you, and you may not be well equipped to handle the new situation with your new skills. It is fine to regress for a while, as long as you acknowledge it as a regression and commit to finding a way to get back on the positive path! Sumitha Bhandarkar is the founder of A Fine Parent.
After making a bunch of mistakes and feeling perpetually like a crappy parent, one day she had the epiphany that Great Parents are Made, Not Born. She is now on a journey to become a better person, and a better parent one itty-bit at a time and warmly invites you to join her in this journey!
Hi Sumitha, I am going to really try to be conscious of this for this week. I may have to check back at the blog a few times. Same routine, day in, day out, home, vacation, no matter and it winds up being a stressful time of yelling when it should be the calmest and most serene part of the day. There is time for getting things done then there is free time for play.
Things are tough in this world and we need to raise, self-assured girls with a heaping of confidence!
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I think the thing that resonates the most with this entry is telling her what to do as well or instead of telling her what not to do. I have a daughter too, and this is one of my biggest priorities as well. I do however think that this applies equally to parents of little boys too…. Good luck with how the week turns out for you. Look out for those people that seem to do everything in a good mood. Maybe try to invent new ways to make it fun for your girl to actually get things done.
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My two cents. I really love this blog. Every sentence has helped me with interacting with my strong-willed, energetic daughter. You are a blessing to my life.
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Thank you. I am glad that I can share some of it here and that committed parents like you will not only try it out, but are kind enough to stop by with such wonderful encouragement! I am grateful to be a member of this club, or whatever we can call it, and really learning a lot from this. Both me and my husband are working overseas, before, we used to be together with all of our 3 kids, but when my son finished his grade 12, we sent him back to the philippines.
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We know how the way he is when it comes to study, even as a young boy before, he is very lazy i guess. My husband and I have tried a lot of technique to understand him more, but it would seem that he is still the same. Most of the time, i would ask him what he wants and needs, and a lot of times he will say, he is fine and doest need any. Recently, we sent our daughters as well for an early holiday, to be with him and for us as well to know how he is.
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Last semester, he got 3 failed grades, while I understand, that the course is not really easy, and that the adjustment is a bit hard, i would have thought that he is now changed and will try to amend on the failed grades, but learning everything what is going on from my daughter, she thinks that he is too busy still playing computer games, he would sometimes go out of the house, and will be out for 4 hours or so and when he comes back, it would seem that he only made excuses which its pretty obvious that some are just a lie.
I guess, he doesnt want to ask those to us, maybe because if he do so, and we give in, he will run out of excuses, just in case he failed again? We are in the verge of losing our patience in him, but still trying all our might to be patient and understanding. How should we react? We have asked him how many times whether he likes his course, and he said yes, but it is really hard on how much more we can keep our temper. Are there any tips on how to deal with him? We really need all the tips we could get from you and for all the member of this club.
God bless you all. As you know, I am just another parent like you and not trained to offer advice in any way. I can however recommend you to someone who is, and has had an immense impact on the way I view parenting. Her name is Dr. Take care, and wish you the best.
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I am so happy to receive a quick reply from you. We are really trying to have as much patience and a better understanding on what is the best way to deal with him, as we feel that nagging and constant threatening is not working at all. I am thinking that maybe it takes a while longer for him to be mature enough?
Ill try contact Dr. Markham on this. I will recommend this blog to all my friends who, like me, need a guide on how to be a good parents. Thank you for your kind words and sharing the blog with your friends, Belinda! While I cannot offer advice, I will be here anytime you feel like talking to another parent…. We may not be able to solve each others problems, but we sure can support each other. And like Geeta below has done, we sure can offer some suggestions of a few little things to try out, and who knows, one of those suggestions might help you figure out the perfect solution for your situation!